The Spiral Mountain Chronicals
by MeiTnerium109
Summary: BlueBanjo109 joins Spiral Mountain, the BanjoKazooie based fanforum. During his adventures there, catastrophe breaks out and sparks fly.


The Chronics of Chronicals of Scott Bommarito, Also Know as BlueBanjo109

**Chapter One**

BlueBanjo walked slowly towards a mountain. But it wasn't just any mountain. It was a tiny mountain, yet it's size had nothing to do with it's importance. BlueBanjo was an eagle, of teenage age, who barely resembled something of a human. Although his ability to walk was kinda strange for his kind, he kept walking, slowly closing in on the mountain he had set out to reach. It was a dreary day, the kind of day when it's moist and cold, with a slight draft in the air.

And so, BlueBanjo reached his destination. "Hello. Please sign these papers to be a member of the forum." an admittance computer commanded in a friendly way. BlueBanjo was then handed the papers. He saw a table and set off to it. It wasn't long until he finished the papers. The tables were poorly taken care of, and, quite naturally for something sitting outside that wasn't looked after, rust, dirt, and bird droppings were scattered across the furniture. It was soon that BlueBanjo completed the papers, and got up to submit.

"Thank you for signing. Please wait a day for confirmation..." the computer demanded.

"Thanks..." BlueBanjo slurred. The lack of being able to post directly after joining was annoying, but the lack of a confirmation email was nice, considering his email never seemed to receive them. So, BlueBanjo waited a day for an admin to check his account. Then he was allowed in.

BlueBanjo was given a PM address and his SM (Spiral Mountain) card. "Use your SM card to gain access to the our mountain, and use your PM address to check your PMs." Luke, the admin, had proclaimed.

BlueBanjo viewed SM. It wasn't much of a mountain. "Too tiny for a mountain..." BlueBanjo muttered as he had seen the mountain for the first time. But BlueBanjo soon realized that the mountain wasn't entirely outside. A tunnel was drilled inside of the size-challenged mountain. It wasn't long before BlueBanjo entered the mountain.

The first thing BB (BlueBanjo) noticed was the forum. BB had seen many forums, but none had been like this one. _Few forums are coded by the owners of so these days..._ BB thought.

The next thing he thought of was the diverse environment of SM. Somehow, crammed in such a tiny mountain, was many variants of habitats! There were freezy tundras, mucky swamps, shamen-owned mini-mountains, treasure-filled coves, witchy castles, demonic theme parks, and a coniferous wood. Considering he was a bird, BB flew straight for the wood.

On his way to the wood, BB was CONSTANTLY annoyed by street merchants. "Would you like to buy my product?" a Walrus had asked him.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" BB screamed. BB later identified that walrus to be Banjokazooiemaster, a member he would soon be exchanging.

When BB got to the wood, he had to apply for a profile page/home. Then it was time to rest, because after such a journey (and waiting outside in rain for a few hours), he was tired and angry...

——

Skill glanced at the time. It was 6:50 pm, and time to leave his job at the SM Administration Building. He had been removing posts in the Smilie Fun forum, and it was now time to head home. Skill was a moderately-aged individual living the life of one. He was quite experienced at hacking, and was well known around the forums. He was a fox. Before he left, Skill viewed his surroundings: kind of like an office building, only with significantly less chairs. He didn't even know why they called it a building, it was more of a room! But nonetheless, he left the abnormally small building.

On his way to his section of SM, he met many people. Late-day times seemed to attract many visitors. Among them was Lonely-Banjo, LerakoLanche, IceDark, Toadfan5, and Kowbrainz (who had just left the administration building too). "Hey Skill, how did your shift go?" asked Kowz, which was a nickname given to Kowbrainz.

"Good. How was yours?"

"Fine."

And so Skill continued home. His region was the Stop 'n' Swop Haven, a gallery featuring all of the Stop 'n' Swop items. Few members resided here, for it was only for veteran members who were allowed.

Every night Skill hacked Banjo-Kazooie. And every night, Skill spent at least 5 minutes doing so. He had hacked many values in the game, and there was few things he couldn't find in the game... except Stop 'n' Swop. Every Banjo fan had searched for Stop 'n' Swop in at least one period of their life, and Skill was one of them. He was known to be the most notorious hacker on the forum.

After 10 minutes of hacking, Skill got bored. He played on his PS3 for a while, and then returned to bed for some relaxation.

The next day, Skill awoke bright and early. As he had several hours until his job started, he checked the forums. Top of the list: BlueBanjo109 is here, have no fear! Skill entered that section.

Skill read the top of the page. BlueBanjo had announced his settlement of this forum. _I doubt he will stay very long..._Skill wondered. Few individuals stay longer than a week or three days. But, of course, for every 10 members, statistics say, 1 stays. So, as usual, Skill posted the same thing he said to most newcomers: "Thanks for joining. Hope you like it at the forums." Obviously, there was no compassion in that at all. Just a plain old emotionless phrase. Who would spend their time writing new ones for each member?

After a few more posts and a topic, Skill had to go to work. Although he was uncertain of the time, something in his head told him to go to work. Skill had mystical time-sensing abilities.

And so, Skill returned to his job. Just moving, deleting, banning, and etc. Things were normal at Spiral Mountain... partially.

——

Luke had a secret. A big secret. One that would astonish the members of Spiral Mountain. Of course, he was supposed to keep secrets. No one should ever know of the Secrets system, or the exact code used in making it. But nonetheless, he had a secret, and he's didn't feel like exposing it to the public.

Luke thought of the secret, _Spiral Mountain was going to be closed unless they minimize the space._ As for a small mountain, he thought it ridiculous, but Spiral Mountain was taking up too much space! Someone needed to edit the code creating the website, or Luke and Paul are going to have to shut the site down forever! Members couldn't take that around here, and so Luke had to edit the code. But where was he brother? Paul was never around when Luke was, and he was also hardly ever posting. Luke was more like the vice principal in a middle school; the principal takes care of the behind-the-scenes stuff while Luke dealt with the communication. Luke also edited the site's make-up, unlike something in a middle-school principal-ship. But nobody really cared about that kind of thing.

Luke resided in a secret part of the mountain. You can only enter it if you are an admin, so Paul and Luke are the only ones who enter it. It is located behind a rock hidden in the SnS (Stop 'N' Swop) Gallery. To remove that rock you need to lift up a strangely-placed Beethoven head, and press the button located under it. For security, there are two other heads, whose buttons cause security alerts. If he was every to forget which head... Luke couldn't think of it. Also, no one had ever attempted to enter the secret haven.

Luke also had forum time. Most of it was spent posting forum updates, however. Luke liked to listen to meditation music _concurrently_ too. He was the leader of the SM meditation club... that is if there was one. He was the only one who liked meditation in the entire forum! _Well, that's what you get for being old_, Luke thought.

Luke was soon utilizing his forum time. "Mainstream science says Spirituality is nonsense. Mainstream religion says Spirituality is witchcraft, affiliating with the devil." Luke posted at a debate topic. Of course, that was probably one of the only times he posted outside of the Site Help and Suggestions forum. So, Luke was happy with his time spending.

——

**Fun Fact: Scott actually does "perch" sometimes in his school Cross-Country club...**

**...and most of the time, the log he's perched on breaks.**

**Chapter Two**

LerakoLanche was writing the script for another notorious Banjo-Kazooie episodes. This wasn't just going to be a normal episode, it was the Christmas Special! After he was completed, he was to send it to Skill, where he (Skill) would hack and film such movie. Lerako was the friendly, creative kind. He was also thoughtful, and a good thinker. Lerako was mature for his age, and was a bear. He resided in the SnS realm.

Also, Lerako was quite bored of writing, and Skill didn't request that the script was done until Friday, so Lerako took a walk.

Lerako loved walking, just to think about things. And since the abnormally small mountain contained large environments, and so Lerako was a perfect fan of the Spiral Mountain environment. Lerako chose to walk in the wood. He set the season simulator to Fall (or Autumn), the most beautiful season. And so, Lerako walked on.

——

At the same time, BlueBanjo was just waking up. He made incomprehensible gibberish as he woke, probably a result of the dream last night. "Nub-numb-numb-numb-numb..." BlueBanjo mumbled.

"Ah..." BlueBanjo smelt the air out of his window. Although not much of an environmentalist or nature-freak, BlueBanjo's bird instincts made him prone to the "smelling air" thing. But other than that, BB had no ties with air. BB remembered the Earth's Atmosphere's constituents... Nitrogen, oxygen, and a bunch of other jabberings.

_Well,_ BlueBanjo thought, _I should go take a fly/walk or something..._ Outside of the forums, BB was clumsy, aggressive, and informal. Yet he still got high grades in school.

——

Lerako walked slowly down the trail. The lust air, abundance of creatures, and soothing environment... well, um, soothed him. Lerako saw chipmunks pass him and birds migrating. Some of the non-migrant birds watched him from their nests. But when Lerako looked at one of them, he wasn't sure it was a normal bird...

BlueBanjo flew down from the trees. Lerako had been unsure of who this was, considering BB had only been here for a day. "Sup Lerako," BB welcomed. "How is life? I loved your YouTube videos!" BlueBanjo had apparently watched Lerako's YouTube videos, and in fact, that's how he knew of the site originally.

"Umm... good?" Lerako had been startled. Moderately-sized eagles DO NOT normally fly down from the sky like that!

"Well, I hope you keep making them!" BlueBanjo said as he flew away. BB was acting like a crazed fan boy.

Lerako stood, astonished at what had happened. Few members of the forum were eagles, and eagles were well known for their knowledge and maturity. That eagle WAS NOT either of those.

——

_Life is kinda hard when your name includes office supplies..._Banjo-Paste thought. First of all, he didn't walk around in paste. Second of all, he was a bear. And third of all, he composed music. BP (Banjo-Paste) didn't live in at Spiral Mountain. He worked at an office supplies store nearby, which is apparently how he got his name. In spite of working at an office supplies store, he was a very well-known and respected member.

Banjo-Paste was compiling music. LerakoLanche had requested a electric guitar version of the Banjo-Kazooie theme... But still, he was composing music.

Banjo-Paste had just recently gotten a software that allowed him to make "Professionally-Sounding" music. Whether or not this was true was out of his reach, but it at least sounded tons better than his old software.

An hour later, BP had finished his song. He went over to the forum and made a new topic discussing such things. Banjo-Paste surveyed the rest of the forum, and then was about to leave when...

"OMG! I have a new PM! Like totally! I should go, like, chec—" Wait, that's not the right personality for BP. Just a second...

"Hey, I have a new PM!" Banjo-Paste realized. "I should check it out." So he did, and went over to the mailbox. "Hmm..." BP received his PM and slowly opened the cyber-envelope...

——

"I feel like going on an adventure!" Master-Nintendo proudly proclaimed to his fellow members. "It's not like there's anything else to do!" Master-Nintendo was in a great mood. He had just beaten BK (Banjo-Kazooie) in a speed run.

Well, he did have the space to do it. Spiral Mountain was large enough to have a grand adventure in it, in fact, once, a member got lost in one of the environments! _That's sad..._ thought Master-Nintendo. Strangely, at any time, the target member is able to read this text. Master-Nintendo hates pie! _I heard that!_ thought Master-Nintendo.

But anyway, he was off on a new adventure! Where to choose? Any of the BK worlds were available to him, and since he preferred the first game, he might as well choose one.

"Eeeny, meeny, miney, MO! Master-Nintendo chose Bubblegloop Swamp. Unfortunately for him, even although he disliked that level, the gods of BK prevented him from choosing any other...

"Hey, what are you doing with me? WOAH!" An invisible force field tossed Master-Nintendo into the swamp.

——

"Curses..." Luke mumbled beneath his sighing breath. The hosts of Spiral Mountain were going to have it closed! Forever! That is, unless Luke recoded the whole site, closing the database leaks. Until he would do that, the site would be soon to be closed. But Luke wasn't the kind to just give up! He would get Paul together and they would do some serious coding... that is, if Paul felt like it.

——

Banjo-Paste opened the letter... "SPAM?" Banjo-Paste cried into the open. "What the hell?" Banjo-Paste had never gotten spam before on a forum. "Yummy!" BP picked the food product out of the can. BP chowed down on the delicious spam.

——

_Wow..._ Skill thought. BlueBanjo had stayed this long. 3 days (without whining)... wow.

Actually Skill wasn't too surprised. Who cared. As long as he didn't have to get out his big, fiendish, moderating stick.

——

A long path lie ahead for Master-Nintendo. Deep in that swamp was... nothing of importance. Yet, he still began his journey deep into the swamp.

Bubblegloop Swamp smelled like rotten fish. Vines hung everywhere, with an abundance of trees resting in the mucky gloop. Only a small path was made through floating logs and gigantic leaves, quite out of place in the swamp. If you've ever played Banjo-Kazooie, you would know what it's like.

Master-Nintendo made his way through the swamp. Avoiding all muck and evil, he jumped from platform to platform. Eventually he found something of importance...

"PIE!" MN (Master-Nintendo) had apparently found some pie. But it wasn't normal pie...

Suddenly, a netted trap swooped up MN and let him to hang, entirely trapped. "WHO THE CRAP ARE YOU?" MN yelled at the setter of the trap... but no one heard him, considering the person he was yelling at was not there.

——

Banjokazooiemaster was PMing BB. "oh, well i live in oakland..." he wrote, which is amazing for a Walrus in two ways. He soon had sent it and returned home.

The stout walrus know as Banjokazooiemaster lived in Freezeezy Peak. He owned a shop at Spiral Mountain, which was being helped by BlueBanjo.

BlueBanjo had been letting Bkm (Banjokazooiemaster) use his stuff as long as he got 50 of the profits. So Bkm had been selling BB's stuff for about a day now. Bkm had requested a full jinjo set, so BB got to work.

——

**Fun Fact: Scott is 25 Mexican, yet he hates Mexican food.**

**Chapter Three**

BlueBanjo had to go get some food. Seemingly, one couldn't live at Spiral Mountain forever, unless they made their own food using the resources found there.

So, BB walked out off SM and out through the winding hills to go get some food.

——

_The site's going down!_ Luke thought. He and Paul had arranged to inspect the code. This would take a day or so. He hoped the members would be happy with the changes he would make.

——

BB was just coming back to SM. He had a huge bag of food containing objects such as eggs, chicken, beef, and potatoes. Once in range, BB gaped widely at SM.

"Spiral Mountain is currently in Lockdown Mode. Reasons: Our host has contacted us acknowledging us that our site is taking up too much space. See you in a few days!"

"Aww man..." BB said disappointedly. BlueBanjo was trapped outside SM. _A few more days outside couldn't hurt..._ BB thought, considering he had already been waiting outside for days. But what about the poor eggs?

—**Before the Lockdown**—

Kowbrainz had little affiliation with kow brains or cow brains. In fact, he didn't even know what a kow is. He name was technically a slangy-spelling version of "cow brains." In this story, he's a Kong, and lives in the DKC dimension of SM. Apparently, Luke felt like adding a DK section of the site, since so many fans of that particular game resided here. And it wasn't just a site for just Banjo-Kazooie, it was for all Rare games.

Kowbrainz was one of the moderators, and one that posted frequently on the forums. Some mods hardly posted, and more so moderated, deleting spam and etc. But he wasn't as hardcore as Pyro.

As he did every day, Kowz checked his PMs. But one day, a peculiar one came from Luke: "The site will be locked down soon, with a delay of a day or two. Please gather up your stuff, and prepare to go somewhere else for a while!" the letter demanded.

"Hmm..." Kowz hummed. "That gives we an idea..."

—**After the Lockdown**—

Sitting outside in the rain, holding eggs, and feeling depressed were one of BlueBanjo's hobbies this day. "WHY DOES THE RAIN ALWAYS MAKE ME DEPRESSED?" BlueBanjo shouted into the sky. "AND WHY DO THESE EGGS SMELL SO BAD?" Most of the food BB had brought along was decaying, and the eggs had nearly cracked due to the beat of the rain. And in the distance, a version of the most depressing song he had ever heard was playing. "WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH" BlueBanjo cried.

Suddenly, something odd happened... KABOOM! Spiral Mountain exploded in a mountain of flames, and BB jumped away just like he would do in an adventure movie. The flames destroyed the plains, illuminating everything they could. BlueBanjo frantically ran away, dodging all of the pyrotechnic obstacles. "Is this the end of Spiral Mountain? Just after I join, the whole place goes BOOM? I WILL NOT STAND FRO THIS!" BlueBanjo protested into the humid air. "WHY DO THE GOOD DIE YOUNG?"

—**Before the Lockdown**—

_To the deepest reaches of Spiral Mountain..._ Kowz thought. He was going to hide within the mountain during this Lockdown. And so he sneaked over to Bubblegloop Swamp.

——

Deep within the reaches of Bubblegloop Swamp, Master-Nintendo hung, disgruntled and hungry. He heard a sound in the distance, and tried to reposition himself to give him the best view. "Who's that? Did you get me like this?" He softly yelled at the movement.

"Tell me who you are first." The movement demanded.  
"Master-Nintendo. Yourself?"

"I'm Kowbrainz." Kowz proclaimed as he stepped into a location that was seen by Master-Nintendo. "How did you get yourself like that?" Kowz said as soon as he saw Master-Nintendo's current predicament.

"I don't know, I was adventuring, and then this net picked me up."

Suddenly, a voice in the distance was heard, "I set that trap!" It was an evil voice, one that may have belonged to one of Spiral Mountain's most precarious villains. The voice continued to step nearer.

"GET ME OUT OF HERE YOU A—" Master-Nintendo said before Kowz shut his mouth, blocking out any profanity.

"What he means is... who are you, exactly?" Kowz said, not to be as rude as Master-Nintendo.

"I am Greg the Grim Reaper, you should remember me..." And Kowz did. This evil had found a glitch, which gave him mod powers. Of course, he used it for evil, causing Spiral Mountain to go on a hiatus for several months! He finally stepped into sight, and what a sight it was. Greg had aged, being secluded out here, and his clothes were ragged.

"Not you... I know Moderator Fu!" Kowz rhythmically threatened.

"Silly Kowz, I'm good now, in fact, that trap is years old!" A happy grim reaper joyously said. "I forgot to pick up that one, in my early isolation days I had set traps to danger those to trespassed on my land. I now realize this is every Spiral Mountaineer's land. What are you doing out there anyway?"

"Well, I'm here to hide past a Lockdown, and Master-Nintendo was adventuring."

"I know all about Lockdown sneaking, and you can hear the Lockdown bell from my bayou house." Greg told. "Would you like to come see it?"

"Sure." Kowz said. But little did he know, evil was about erupt upon him.

——

Luke was about to close the Spiral Mountain gate. "All out of this establishment, a LOCKDOWN is in order!" Luke shouted into a PA system, which transferred his message to all of his establishment, except Bubblegloop Swamp, of course. After 5 more minutes, the Lockdown bell sounded and the gate slowly closed.

——

BEEP! BEEP! An alarm bell sounded in Greg's house. "There's the signal, tonight we sneak around!" Greg happily annunciated. Then, after nightfall had occurred, and they were out of Coca Colas, the trio returned to the main of Spiral Mountain.

It was somewhat similar to a closed mall. Entrances to all of the realms were blocked (however, the blockages were movable), darkness was bestowed upon the area, and it was empty. Strangely, several areas normally hidden to average members were open and unblocked.

The group moved in upon the Moderating building, which was freely open. "I've never been in here!" Master-Nintendo happily said.

"Kowz and I have both been in here too, only in my time it wasn't this fancy." Greg said. "Hey Kowz, what is this?" Greg stumbled over to an expensive-looking laser device.

"That's the ban-hammer! DON'T TOUCH IT!" Kowz warned Greg. "It's able to banish any member at any time, based on your current status. For example, moderators can't ban administrators, but administrators can ban moderators and themselves. Average members can't even operate this thing..."

"So, show me how it works!" Greg awaited.

"Well, after inserting your member card, first you need a target. Let's see... inactive account for over 2 months? I'll show you!" Kowz triggered many triggers and buttoned many buttons. "Now, you press this BIG button that says BAN! on it." Kowz did so, and the member was instantly destroyed. "Isn't it cool?"

That action would inevitably cause the explosion of Spiral Mountain... because you've probably figured out Greg will use it to attack the Mountain... or is he?

——

**Fun Fact: Ramen Noodles are Scott's favorite food.**

**Chapter Four**

BlueBanjo was all alone, stuck in the rain, which luckily soon ignited the fires... at least outside his heart. Patriotically disgruntled, he marched towards the now destroyed mountain. "I will solve this catastrophe!" He said, anxious to make it inside.

The insides of our favorite geological formation looked much more like a real volcano. Streams of lava flowed down, and it was hard to navigate a passage in which nobody got burnt. Everything was steamy (as in non-sexually) and even being inside made BlueBanjo want to take all his clothes off and go streaking. But obviously, this was not allowed, even inside a building turned into a flaming volcano. "I've got an idea!" He said proudly to himself, and walked towards Pawno's Emporium.

"So, what'd ya' want kid?" Pawno asked, while scratching his hind quarters.

"One of those Mumbo Jumbo dolls, please."

"Sure." Pawno then handed BlueBanjo the shamen doll he requested.

"Thanks." BlueBanjo said, and then used the doll to transform himself into a refrigerator! "As a refrigerator, I'll be able to put out the lava!"

Back in the middle of Spiral Mountain, BlueBanjo opened his refrigerator door. Suddenly, a huge blast of cold air and frost flew out, taming the once-problematic lava. Now, with the lava out the way, he transformed back into normal and crossed the frozen lava. Everything had partook in the damage, but the Moderator building had taken the most damage. The roof was gone, and the lava appeared to have been sourced from its location. The area smelled like burnt toast.

BlueBanjo crept in. Few things were undamaged. "HOLY SH—" He exploded as soon as he several Kowz, Master-Nintendo, and Greg on the ground near the ban-hammer. Oddly enough, they were melting through the floor.

"Silly mortal..." A sound from behind him echoed. "You can never underestimate the power of the BAN-HAMMER!" BlueBanjo turned around.

"YOU?" BB asked.

"Yes, me... PAUL!" Paul said. "I have planned to destroy the place ever since Luke was nearly awarded the Nobel Prize for best HTML skills! Now, I have learned HTML, and you will be reduced to nothing!" A blue arm of code extended from Paul's chest. " weapon sword lvl"30" /weapon " Paul coded. A high-level sword popped out of Paul's HTML arm.

"You have underestimated me. You see, I know ACTIONSCRIPT!" BlueBanjo also said, with a red arm extending from his buttocks. "onClipEvent (load) createForceField;" BlueBanjo coded, causing a forcefield to appear from his 3rd arm. "Uh oh..." BlueBanjo farted! The arm exploded into a flurry of red text. BlueBanjo said a bunch of gibberish, causing the red text to home in on Paul.

"Is that the best you can do?" Paul said. " forcefield field size"200" /forcefield " Paul's code arm created another forcefield causing the text that once was in BlueBanjo's code arm to deflect, and be rendered useless. "You will succumb to my power!" Paul said, whilst laughing manically.

"But... what did you do to them?" BlueBanjo pointed to Kowz, Master-Nintendo, and Greg.

"Well..." Paul flashed back...

—**Before the Ban-Hammer**—

Kowz had just shown Greg and Master-Nintendo how the Ban-Hammer worked. "**KOWBRAINZ!**" A diaphanous voice cried out from behind them. "**YOU HAVE ABUSED YOUR MODERATING POWERS BY SHOWING UNWORTHY MORTALS THE BAN-HAMMER, AND SNEAKING IN DURING LOCKDOWN! PREPARE TO BE BANNED!**"

"Paul?" Kowz asked."

"Yeah, yeah, it's Paul. **NOW, MOVE OVER SO I CAN USE THY BAN-HAMMER!**" Paul commanded.

"You'll have to go through me first!" Master-Nintendo defended, holding his position, after being slightly forgotten about.

" ban member src"Master-Nintendo" /ban " Paul coded. Suddenly, Master-Nintendo melted, for he was BANNED!

"Why don't you just use it on me?" Kowz asked.

"Because he's stupid..." Greg snickered, also after being slightly forgotten about.

"**SILENCE!**" Paul dictated. "NOW, I SHALL BAN— and re-ban—BOTH OF YOU!" Paul walked towards the ban-hammer. "Goodbye, Kowz." Paul reconfigured the controls, and aimed it straight towards Kowz!

BAN! And then, Kowz was nothing but melted monkey. "That goes for you, too." Paul then banned Greg, laughed again. "Now, to destroy Spiral Mountain." Power level was max, and Paul aimed the hammer towards the heart of the mountain. "GOODBYE!" The ban-hammer fired, followed by the eruption of the mountain.

—**After the Ban-Hammer**—

BlueBanjo enjoyed the story. But now, he watched in dismay as Paul was charging energy from the heat. "As you see, I charge myself from fire. It's quite a useful feature in this volcano, don't you think?"

"So, you're saying this mountain is actually a volcano?" BlueBanjo asked. He neared towards the ban-hammer.

"Why, yes. Years ago, I embedded liquid fire into that hollow that I just blew up..." Paul continued, explaining all the details of such endeavor. BlueBanjo got even nearer to the machine. "...And that's how babies are made. Now, onto your destruction!"

"No, YOURS!" BlueBanjo engaged the machine. "See, you left your membership card in it!"

"NO!"

"Yes."

"NOOO!"

"Yes."

"NOOOOOOO!"

"YES!"

"NOOOOOOOOO— Wait a second, what are we doing?"

"I dunno... But you still go BOOM!" BlueBanjo quickly set the hammer into motion. The machine banned Paul with a huge bar of light, that could blind the largest of eyes.

"I'm mmeellttiinngg!" Paul screamed as he melted into the floor.

——

And so peace was restored to the mountain. Paul, the most demonic beast ever released on the board had been vanquished, and never again to roam the forums, causing evident doom. Everyone was happy, and Kowz, Master-Nintendo, and not Greg, were unbanned. Some still say Paul roams the Deadwood, purging topics. And so ends this sto—

"CUT!" The director shouted out. "How hard is it to get a decent fan fiction around here?"

"I dunno, this narrator sucks. Let's kill him!" The dictionary-referencer said. The whole crew ganged up on the narrator, and ate his brains. Now, this story ends.

—**The END!**—

23


End file.
